Humana Magni
by MurtaghSpamanoGirl
Summary: Did you hear the story that's been going around the block? The worlds best magic school only accepted girls. For a guy to get in was almost impossible, but Antonio was set on learning magic no matter the price. Even if that price was a wig, a skirt and a pair of heels.


_Did you hear the story that's been going around the block_

 _Causing us to worry, and putting us in shock_

 _I have always said that this would be if we let him get that far_

 _And now I think it's clear to see what his real intensions are_

Felix Lukasiewicz shuddered in the morning breeze, pulling his coat closer to preserve heat. It was already May, but this far north, summer seemed further away than ever. He looked around in displeasure, spotting a nearby café. Sighing, a little, he made his way over to the café, which seemed to have only just opened. He was met at the door by a young brunette, smiling sweetly at him.

"Oh, good morning, sir. How may I help you?" the young man asked, tilting his head as he looked at Felix.

Felix looked him over, forcing himself not to sneer. The man had a beautiful face, but his clothes where about as interesting as this town had come across so far.

"I'd like a table by the window, and a cup of black coffee, no sugar, no anything, just coffee. Can you do that for me?"

The brunette man blinked in surprise, and for a moment, Felix thought he might get angry, but within seconds, the man smiled again, almost sweeter than the last time.

"Right! Of course. Right this way, sir."

The brunette man stepped aside to let Felix in and led him to a nearby table.

"If you need anything, just ask for Toris."

Felix nodded absentmindedly but he didn't really pay attention to what he was being told. He stared out of the window for a brief moment before he turned his attention to the job at hand. Digging out his notepad and a pen, he started writing.

 _My dear readers. As of now, your favorite journalist, Felix_ _Lukasiewicz_ _, has found himself in Hoplesster City, a town about as interesting as the fading colors that cover most of the houses in this pitiful town._

Felix stopped for a second to offer Toris a polite smile as his coffee arrived.

 _My dearest readers, you will hardly be surprised to hear that the color I'm talking about is in fact... grey. A color that's about as dull as this town. And yet... I'm here, for in this dull and grey town, lies the world-famous wizarding school, Femina Magni._ _Well known for having educated some of the world's most powerful witches, as well as being in possession of the Vitae Wand, this grand school rises above the city like a glorious shadow that the city does not in fact deserve. However, a scandal is rising in this dreadfully tedious town. And I, Felix Lukasiewicz, am here to tell you the truth._

SLAM

Felix was startled out of his concentration as the café-door opened and two women stepped in, chatting loudly and angrily.

"Ladies. Good morning." Toris, said, offering them a smile that Felix was beginning to suspect to be fake. "What can I get you two this fine morning?"

"Justice! That's what you can get us!" One of the ladies said angrily.

"Rosita, let's not make a scene." The other one said softly. "I'm as outraged as you are but it's hardly Toris fault."

"Madelaine, it's just so…" Rosita started but she stopped herself to breath. "Toris, a table please, and an Irish coffee, cause heavens knows alcohol is the only thing that can get me through this."

"Maybe some calming tea…" Madelaine suggested with a tired sigh, before she and Rosita sat down at a nearby table.

"I still can't believe it." Rosita said harshly. "I am livid!"

"Yes, I've noticed." Madelaine sighed. "And, as I've already told you, I'm just as angry."

"I mean, the nerves of that _man!"_ Rosita fumed. "Those tests are a sacred ritual. He's spitting on the very traditions of our school."

"You know, I've always said that Edelstein is crooked." Madelaine said, shaking her head sadly. "You know, there's a lot of rumors about him. Shady business, aggressive behavior, alcohol…"

"I always knew he was an alcoholic." Rosita exclaimed, just as Toris placed her coffee on the table. "He's a monster, that man."

"You know, speaking of monster, did you see the new painting at the art gallery…"

Felix zoned out of the conversation as he noticed it getting uninteresting. With his head spinning, he turned his attention to the notepad and his new article. _Edelstein,_ he thought as he took his first sip of the, now cold, coffee. Roderich Edelstein was the very reason he'd first traveled to this grey town. Edelstein, the Vice Principal of Femina Magni, he mused. _What have you done to make an entire town turn against you?_

SLAM

Antonio Carriedo Fernandez rushed through the open door, walking straight past Toris. The confused barista barely had the time to say "Good morning, Antonio" before the Spaniard had disappeared into the café's only bathroom. Bella van der Meer followed with quick step, offering a quick "sorry about that" before going after her friend. Antonio had left the door unlocked, knowing that Bella would follow, and didn't even look up as she entered. Bella locked the door behind them and gave her best friend a questioning look.

"What kind of shady business are you up to?" she asked, looking suspiciously at backpack on the floor.

"I'm getting into Femina Magni." Antonio said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Toni, that's a suicide mission!" Bella exclaimed. "Guys don't get into Femina Magni."

"And why is that, Bella?" Antonio asked, turning around with a raised eyebrow. "Because guys always have to take another test."

"Do you really feel like you want to talk to me about social injustice?" Bella asked, crossing her arm. "You know I'm against the maze, but no amount of you and I protesting it is going to get rid of it."

"I know." Antonio said with a secretive smirk. "Which is why I'm not taking the last test."

Bella looked like she was about ready to faint. Surely, she had misheard.

"Antonio. You don't skip the maze."

"Lovino Vargas is." Antonio pointed out.

"Yes, because he's the ward of the Vice Principal." Bella reminded. "You don't get that. Your superrich family are a bunch of jerks."

"Bella." Antonio said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Relax. I've got this in the bag. Literarily."

Antonio picked the bag up, pulling out a brown wig as he grinned at his best friend.

"No… Antonio Carriedo Fernandez. You are NOT dressing up as a woman to get into Femina Magni."

"Girls don't have to take the last test. If I'm a girl, I'll get in."

"You're going to get caught!" Bella exclaimed, pulling the wig out of Antonio's hand.

"Not…" Antonio said, taking it back. "If you help me put this on."

Bella hesitated for a second before she snatched it back.

"You're going to be the death of me." She muttered as she helped Antonio with the wig. "What about clothes. You can't wear those things. You're already so masculine that wearing anything but a skirt or a dress, is going to expose you."

"Don't worry, I stole some stuff from my mum." Antonio promised.

"Alright, get changed." Bella said. "I'll wait outside."

SLAM

Felix curiously watched as another angry woman entered, followed by a tall, blonde man.

"Good morning, Mrs. Yang, Mr. Yang." Toris greeted. "How are you two this morning?"

"We're angry." Mr. Yang explained, but didn't go into details.

"We'll have the usual, Toris, and please try to make it right today. I do hate poorly made tea."

Toris nodded with a stiff smile, and returned to the register. Mr. and Mrs. Yang quickly spotted Madelaine and Rosita and sat down at their table.

"Did you hear?" Rosita said as the couple sat down.

"Yes, of course. Edelstein really has gone too far this time." Mrs. Yang exclaimed. "I mean, Ivan never got any special treatment."

"No I did not." Mr. Yang agreed.

"Ivan had to take the test."

"Yes I did."

"He's happy!"

"Well…"

"So why shouldn't Lovino Vargas?"

"I still can't believe Headmistress Hedevery isn't stopping it." Madelaine said thoughtfully.

"Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen Headmistress Hedevery since March." Mrs. Yang said thoughtfully.

SLAM

"What do you think?" Antonio asked as he stepped out of the bathroom.

Bella looked him over, trying not to look as skeptical as she was feeling. The skirt that Antonio had chosen looked like it hadn't been worn or ironed in years and shirt could, as far as Bella could see, have been a nightgown, rather than one meant for everyday use.

"Am I beautiful yet?"

"No… you look like a hot mess." Bella said, as kindly as she could.

Antonio looked a little defeated.

"But don't worry, a lot of girls do. We'll find a better shirt before we take the test."

"We?"

"Come on." Bella said, punching Antonio's arm a little. "There's no way you'll survive in there without a real-life woman by your side. We're getting you a pair of heels, by the way."

The two packed up the last few things before walking back through the café.

"By the way," Bella said on the way out. "Did you hear the other rumors about Edelstein?"

"Yeah, apparently, the forest fire the other week was his doing."

SLAM

Julchen Weilschmidt almost bumped right into Antonio as he was leaving, accidentally knocking the tall man over.

"Woah, sorry dude." Julchen said, offering Antonio a pale hand.

"I-I'm not a man…" Antonio muttered before shuffling to his feet, ignoring the outstretched hand.

"Oh, I use dude as a gender-neutral term." Julchen said but she barely had a chance to finish the term. "Okay, never mind then."

Julchen shrugged and made her way over to Toris who was watching with an amused smile.

"'Morning, dude. Where's coffee at?"

"I heard you coming from across the square." Toris said with a slight smirk. "I made you your usual. Hot chocolate in a coffee-cup."

"Our secret." Julchen said with a big grin before sitting down at the nearest table.

"So where's your friend?" Toris asked, as he started preparing another coffee for the guest he knew would be sure to follow.

"Don't worry." Julchen said with a snicker. "Francois should be here any minute now."

Just as Julchen said that, Francois Bonnefoy entered the room.

"Bask in my glory!" they exclaimed, throwing their arm out in an overdramatic gesture.

Everyone shot annoyed glares at Francois, while Julchen laughed in delight.

"My glorious henchman."

Francois grinned and accepted the awaiting coffee from Toris before sitting down across from Julchen.

"You know, rumors have it that you're applying to Femina Magni." They said with a raised eyebrow as they placed their bag on the floor. "I thought you didn't care about magic."

Julchen tried to look offended but couldn't quite keep the smirk off her face.

"Of course I care about magic!" She exclaimed overdramatically. "Why there's nothing I care more about than magic."

Francois rolled their eyes.

"Specifically, the magic that comes from a very specific wand." Julchen continued.

"So that's it. You're going to…" Francois started before they were cut off.

"I'm going to steal the most powerful wand of all time!" Julchen exclaimed as proud and loudly as she could without being overheard.

"There's many reasons as to why that will end horribly."

"Come on, Francois." Julchen said leaning across the table. "I may not be good at a lot of things, but if there's something I can do, it's to steal stuff. Plus, this thing makes gold!"

Francois hesitated.

"Well, I do like gold." Francois mused.

Julchen grinned, knowing full well she had convinced her friend to join in her evil scheme.

"You and me, Francois. We're the perfect team." Julchen said as she subconsciously sneaked her hand into Francois' bag. "You and me in that school is the best damn disaster ever."

"Me in that school?" Francois asked, half offended, half laughing. "And choose a gender? Gender is for the weak, and I want no part in it."

Julchen pouted.

"Should have figured, they wouldn't let you in without picking a gender…"

"Don't worry." Francois said thoughtfully. "There's more than one way to kill a mockingbird."

"That's not a…"

SLAM

Everything stopped in the small café and everyone turned towards the door to stare at the trio that had just entered.

"Roderich Edelstein." Felix whispered quietly.

It was like the calm before the storm. Roderich coldly met their gaze as his two wards, Lovino and Feliciana kept to the back. Everyone wanted to ask him but no one dared to open their mouth. At long last, Felix stood up.

"Mr. Edelstein. My name is Felix Lukasiewicz, I'm from News Daily in New York, can I get a comment on the recent rumors regarding you and your families?"

Roderich sighed in annoyance.

"Actually, I'd rather not. I'm just here to get my coffee." He said coldly.

Roderich took another step forward and the people around him stepped back.

"You know what, here's a comment for you people." He said, turning around, looking Felix straight in the eyes. "Yes, Lovino isn't taking the last test, but then again neither is Feliciana and none of you are angry with her."

It was quiet for a second, and for a moment Roderich thought it might all have passed, until all hell broke loose. Roderich couldn't even make out the millions of angry questions and accusations thrown at him, but he knew what they were about. Where was his wife? Why was his son getting special treatment? Has he ever murdered someone? But there was no chance of answering it. He was surrounded, left with no chance of defending himself.

"ENOUGH ALREADY!" He yelled out, slamming his hand against the nearest table.

Everyone stopped in shock and fear. Just then the door opened again. Elizaveta Hedevery stared in surprise at the wild mess that surrounded the café. She stepped inside

"Roderich."

"Elizaveta. I see divorce has treated you well." Roderich said coldly, eyeing Elizaveta's overflowing bag.

"Likewise. Look at you, surrounded by women." Elizaveta answered with a smirk.

Roderich gave his ex-wife a cold glare.

"We should talk somewhere else." He said, nodding at the looming crowd.

"You know what? For once I think you're right."

Elizaveta put one hand on each of her wards shoulder and ushered them outside. Roderich threw one last look at crowd around them, throwing an extra glare towards Felix before he leaved and shut the door, leaving them all whisper amongst each other.

SLAM!

Edelstein, Felix thought, what are you hiding?


End file.
